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The Slumber’less Hate

34 hours without sleep does wonders for euphoria and the brain
I just
I just wish
Sometimes i wish i had a father, only sometimes
I have so much hate for him
I have so many feelings others didn’t deserve but he did
I wish someone could harbor all this with me, everyone else is full to the brim and i cant bare to let them spill; even at my own expense.
Its a vicious cycle, wasn’t i good enough? was he sacred? will i be? i don’t know him, could i be him?
I’m hateful, and covetous.
I brew in dreams of shared sorrow, and i bathe in the despair like the rays of the sun
Why do you guys get the great start? Who teaches me?
I’m a suborn cup who wont admit he’s full
But i cant break myself, its too hard, my insides are stained
and i cant bare to write, because my ego’s fighting back
Most of my work dies with what little pride it has
Swallowed by the fear of judgment
I hate to make my granddad worried about me because he’s the closest thing
We’re the same and he tries so hard
I feel so useless, so confused
What am i doing?
What the fuck am i doing?

Pew Pew Pew. I’m going to bed now.

2,595,848 plays
I just remembered, i keep getting obviously suppressed flashbacks

someone once asked me to “Pay attention to the armpits” while we were making out.

It literally ended there.